Thursday, December 6, 2012

Useless Gadgetry

This list is all about kitchen gadgets that were created by people who thought they would make cooking easier. Those people were wrong. 

1. Garlic Press:
Step one: Put garlic in press. 
Step two: Squeeze handles.
Step three: Scrape off the tiny amount of extruded garlic-goop.
Step four: Spend the next five minutes picking bits of garlic out of the inside of the press because they didn't get through the holes.

Seriously, people. Smoosh the garlic clove with the flat side of your knife, peel off the skin and chop it into bits. That's all.

2. Spaghetti Portioning Tool:
I fail to see the problem with having leftover spaghetti.

3. Overly-specific gadgets:
Do you need an avocado saver? How about a banana-guard to keep your precious little banana from getting bruised? Or a tea bag squeezer (yes that's a real thing) to get every last drop of squeezin's out of your bag? 
The answer is overwhelmingly NO. 

4. Microwave cookware:

The microwave is best used for quick reheating/defrosting, or when you're not sober enough to safely operate the stove. Making actual meals in the microwave is just depressing. Look at that image above. That's the saddest bacon ever right there. It's like something the cops would find in the kitchen while investigating your suicide.

5. Pod-style coffeemakers:
"Hey, I know! Let's create more waste, cut down on efficiency with one cup at a time, and make it ludicrously expensive!" - the shitbirds at Tassimo and Keurig

Until next time. 

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